“I would do ___ if I could.”

When you’re a little kid, you believe there is nothing you cant do. I wanted to be a singer, photographer, a Victoria Secrets model, dancer, actress, writer, artist, fashion designer, Raiders Cheerleader, President, and a lawyer all at one time. And I never believed that I couldn’t be all of those things. As I got older a lot of those ideas fell off. I either felt like I wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t tall enough, wasn’t pretty enough, or just couldn’t do it. But Would if I could?

So I’m sitting here in my living room watching the Victoria Secrets 2010 Fashion show in amazement and my phone beeps, indicating that I have a text message. Which reads “I would do ___ if I could.”

I thought it over, thinking of all the things I would do if I could:
I would travel the world.
By my dream car.
Become a Raiderette.
Write a Book
Start my Own fashion line
Go Sky diving
Open a Homeless Shelter
Mentor a Girl
Design for Barbie…..

The list went on and on and on, then a silent question came to mind: “Why wont you?”

That’s what I don’t have the answer to, or at least didn’t want to admit the answer to.

It would be easier to blame the reason why I haven’t went for even the smallest dream, is because of everyone else. I cant do this because of …, I cant start now because …When the truth is, “I wont do nothing because I’m scared. I’ve read about the shortest model, I saw the girl with no dance training make the cheerleading team, so I see that what I want to do, can be done. And it can even be done better. So I can’t lie and say it’s not possible? It’s like I’m literally stand in my own way of living my dreams.

Why?
Is it the fear of failing? Embarrassment?

I think that’s what it was for me. What if I tried and failed?
But what if I tried and succeeded? And not only succeeded but was the best? Would if I make history? What if I changed the world?

It’s a bit extreme, but why not? We have just as much a chance to succeed at what we want to do as we have a chance to fail, so why automatically think about failing?

To cushion the fall if or when we do fail.

I guess it’s like security, failing is a huge ego crusher, and I thought that if I prepare myself for the worst, it wouldn’t hurt so bad when the worst actually happened. Of course this type of thinking is wrong. The anxiety of failing is usually the reason we fail, it either clouds our brain to the point that we mess up or we just don’t do it. But it could fuel the fires of desire and propell me into greatness. I thought it over, the thought of failure….it hurts, but I don’t die, and everyone knows the saying, “What doesn’t kill you make‘s you stronger.”.

You fall down trying to work your first pair of Barbie heels but that doesn’t stop you from putting them back on and walking in them again and again and again until your walk in those shoes put Ms. J’s to shame. Failing should push you toward perfection. It does for me. Tell me I cant, so I can show you I will, tell me I can’t have it so I can get it, tell me it’s impossible, so I can prove that it is so very probable.

I guess, I’m willing to take the embarrassment of failing just so I can say I did, at least, try. I know how to laugh at myself, and I see the hidden lesson in every situation. So, I’m eager to learn, I pick up on things quickly and easily, and since I see that the only thing that was standing between me and everything I want to do and be, was me. Now I’m ready to step out on faith, and make things happen the way I want them to happen. Now the question is… Where do I start?

M.I.P: Missing In Pink

Ive been gone for so long! 2 whole months of running away from problems, I fell like Ive been gone for so long

During the last 2 months of my absence, things have been….tough. It seemed like no amount of pink, candy, ice cream ;) or Barbie dolls would cheer me up.

I'm not going to say I’ve been going threw it, because it’s life, and some times in life shortage happens. I will say that depression blows, and loneliness suck balls. With that being said, I'm ready to leave gloom-ville and go back to Barbie World. First step is to get back on the blog hog (lol).

I absolutely love blogging, it’s like free therapy to me, and those two months with out it just kicked my ACE! (lol) I have decided that I will commit the time I usually spend stressing about shitake on blogging and maybe even vlogging once I build up the courage to do so.

NO excuses this time, I will stick to it, Pinky Promise J

_Love, Barbie