Stuck In The Middle....

OK! So I watched The Tyra show earlier and it was about biracial people dis likeing theyre other half. Although I hate to say it, but it kind of hit home for me.

Im a biracial girl, my Mommy is black and my Dad was white, and since he wasnt around I was brought up only knowing my black culture. I never thought that being mixed was an issue untill everyone found out my Dad was white and began to tease me about it.

When I think about what they said now I laugh but back then when I was a little kid it really hurt. My friends and cousins would be like "Dont play with the little white girl," or we'll be doing some cheers or having a club and they would be like "No white girls aloud." I hated my light skin and hair, I hated my body and my stupid mood ring eyes (lol). Than when I tried to make friends out side that race, the others acted as if I scared them. I would sit by a white girl and she would stand,So as you can see I was litterally stuck in the middle.

I had it set in my head that I wasn't going to be excepted by my white community so my goal was to make it in the black community. I use to wish I could be dark skinned, but since that obviously wasn't going to happen, I had to prove that I was just as black as everyone else in my "hood," so that meant that if all the other girls where cutting school, so was I, if they where smoking and drinking so was I.Stealing, fighting, cursing, whatever made me more hood, more ghetto, more black, I did (except for sexing, I didn't go that far) I was obviously going down a road of self destruction at 98mph.

I was finally slapped with reality when I was kicked out of middle school ( and my mom almost tried to kill me) all those girls I was trying to impress still out casted me. It was like no matter what I did I wasn't going to be excepted. Which really like frosted my cookies (got me mad) because I was being someone else and doing that got me in serious trouble.

ANYWAY! After struggling in continuation school, and being labelled a difficult child, I began to except myself as a mixed girl. I excepted the fact that I was girly, I rather be a cheerleader than talk about being one, I admired Barbie and collected the dolls even though the other girls called me a lame for doing so, I loved dancing and singing and Id rather reach for the stars instead of reaching for the sky. It was all weired to some girls in my neighborhood(both black and white) but it was perfect to me.

After a while I was fine being the weired black girl, and although I went threw all that I still only claimed my black side. Not because I didn't like the white but because I figured that all they saw was a black girl, so that's who I was being. I found out that a lot of my other(white) half didn't like that I didn't claim them. My ex use to get so mad when I never claimed my white side, and so did his mom, than it got to my Grandpa, who I almost barely spoke to, but made me sit down and have the longest talk ever with him.

I appreciate the talk of course, I learned a whole lot that day, that was when I finally became happy with the whole me. I know now, I wont be excepted by everyone and I'm cool with that. I have no problem being stuck in the middle even if I'm here by myself, because I'm happy there.